And so it was in ancient times, that on the 8th day, God created event planners. Gazing down from heaven He saw that the event planner was the most unusual of all his creations.
As it was decreed, all of God's creatures took the 7th day of each week as a day of rest. But not the event planner. God smiled. After all, someone needs to coordinate the day of rest lest there be chaos and disorder of every kind. Someone to plan the dress code and keep people from eating the wrong fruit and such.
What started out as tea for two, eventually grew, and interns were taken on to meet the demands of the feast days. The event planner began to develop risk management plans for occasions such as famine and flood. When approached by Noah to help manage the guest list for his upcoming cruise, the event planner oversaw that there was no discrimination and that at least two of every creature would attend.
The event planners would rise to prominence and even work for kings. Keeping a short list of top lute, harp, and timbrel players, King Saul's event planner is known as the talent buyer who discovered David and organized his first ongoing gig. David, however, was later embroiled in scandal as the pipe and drape rental company forgot to screen the bathing section of the rooftop, and well, lets just say he sort of changed his tune.
The event planners saw their share of miracles. A local caterer was able to stretch a few loaves and fish to feed 5000 who hadn't RSVP'd on the app. Another time we are told, that water even turned into wine - in this instance there was a fine issued as a liquor license had not been obtained. Then, there was the family that spent so much money on a lovely funeral, and the deceased rose again - luckily the band had some other music with them to give it a more celebratory tone.
Once when a well-known destination management company was all set to run the Founder's Day Parade in Jericho, some musicians without busker's permits, marched around the city playing their instruments far above the city's decibel limit. As you can imagine there was chaos and the walls came tumbling down. Needless to say, the event, went down in history.
Perhaps one of the most iconic tales is that of the wedding of a couple named Jacob and Rachel. They had registered at Bed Bath and Babylon for the most lovely bone china - it was literally made of bone. The rehearsal dinner ran smoothly, however, on the big day there was some confusion about the bride, and Jacob ended up accidentally marrying Rachel's sister Leah. This was unfortunate as the local scribe had just monogrammed all of the decor "J & R." I am told that Jacob was still paying off this wedding seven years later when he hired a planner for his second marriage - luckily they had saved the J & R monogrammed decor.
Throughout the ages event trends have seen much change. Wherever you wander in this life, never forget your ancient roots as there's never anything so sweet as a Throwback hashtag. I will leave you with the wise words of Theopholena the Great Planner of Old: "Render unto Cesar, that which is Cesar's but, render unto the event planner, the final balance." (Lest yon client forgeteth their checkbook and ye runneth to thine car for thy Square register card swiper.) Amen.